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The feed opens up on a slightly jaundiced eye, wild and a little bloodshot. It twitches unnaturally, then squints in glee as the hand holding the Pokègear pulls away, revealing a maturely handsome man in a newly acquired Rocket outfit, stroking his goatee thoughtfully. He poses for the camera, admiring his image in the eye's reflection.
"My, don't you look absolutely riveting, sir. Black suits you… Though that's more than I can say for this place..."
Discord glances around, eyes swiveling around appraisingly, as if selecting which things to keep and which to spruce up a bit. It’s clear that it’s largely disposed to the latter; the room behind him is a depressingly grey little hole, and it is clear that despite the man's seemingly constant gleeful grin that Discord is more than slightly perturbed by things. He glances below-camera, eyes scanning quickly.
"Pokègear...yadda yadda connections....something something make friends, oh please, why do something so positively droll...pah!" A small booklet goes flying past the camera, shedding pages like new snow, one of which lands on his nose. Raised eyebrow and licked lips; within seconds he is chewing thoughtfully.
"Hm. Even paper tastes differently here...How delightfully…tasteless. It's no cotton candy, but it will do. Oh fine, what do <i>you</i> want?”
“Sol.”
The camera spins on a quietly sitting Absol, wearing the closest ‘Orly’ expression that a Pokèmon is likely to achieve. It has a slim black bandanna around its head emblazoned with a violently red ‘R’. A scoff from off camera, followed by a flying paper ball (which the Absol naturally dodges).
“Oh like you haven’t.”
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[Yep. That was a Royal Canterlot Voice if he's ever heard one. But why spoil the fun now?]
He taps the camera cautiously, unsure as to whether or not it's still on after that blare of audio. The Absol, "Dissent", growls at him, eyeing his uniform, which he shrugs off easily.
"My, news travels fast around here! I'm glad I was anticipated with such gusto...Ah, to be appreciated. And it seems chaos, in this case, responded with a facelift! My pleasure to meet you, Madame Loud-Mouth."
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We had no knowledge that thou had arrived in this world until thou projected it for everypony to see.
And tis no pleasure at'all to meet thou, Discord.
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"Dissent" growls once again at the mention of "projected for everypony to see. Discord sighs finally, leaning inward and beginning to fiddle on the control screen.
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“There we go. Happy, you?”
“Sol.”
“Well then, now where were we? Oh yes, our own little Nightmare. Your welcoming demeanor certainly leaves nopony feeling unloved, as usual. Speaking of… does this mean….?”
[A low giggle wriggles through the Pokègear speakers]
“A Princess is nothing without her subjects. How are you, my dear Luna? ♪”
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[She would totally be giving you a glare, if you could see it. But, alas, you're just going to have to make due with her icy tone instead.]
We have found that our mood hath taken a significant decrease in the past few minutes.
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Cheer up, my little pony! Or whatever you are, now. By Equestria, you probably look rather frightful now, don't you? Regardless, I'm here now. Don't worry~! I'll make everything better soon!
[Or at least when he can figure out where he is, what he is, and what the bloody blue pony is going on here.]
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We doubt we could ever look as frightful as thou. In hue-man form, or otherwise.
Thou has never made anything better, and thou never shall.
And in any matter, tis impossible fort thou to change anything. Or has thou not noticed thy's magic is gone.
[Smug? Oh yes.]
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Of course I noticed! This place promises to be so much fun! But it's ever so good to know you care, dismal damsel Luna. That is the name you go by here, no? Or do you go by Nightmare, perhaps...?
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Fun? Thou is reduced to nothing but a mere Earth pony in this world. Thou has no magic. Thou is no longer able to fly, thou is no longer able to create something out of nothing. No more dirt roads...
[And, most importantly.]
...No more chocolate rain.
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He hacks in mid-sentence, only barely recovering.
"W-ck! What!? Oh for goodness sake, what's wrong with this world?! Next you'll tell me there aren't cotton candy clouds! No choco-...no chocolate..."
[He's at a loss for words; this doesn't happen very often.]
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He coughs, recomposing himself startlingly quickly and purrs through the speaker like the psychopath that he is.
“Chaos really is a beautiful thing, isn’t it…No chocolate rain. My my my, that was certainly unexpected. But still, what fun is there in making sense? Aaaaand….”
[Ideeaaaaa ♪]
“…what else can I do throw this reality for a loop, I wonder…Oh. How. Lovely. Howverylovely.”
[He remembers he’s still talking to someone; there is scuffling as apparently stops pacing and returns to the set. He ignores her entire last statement just as a matter of principle.]
“Oh Princess Moooon! I am ever so grateful for that little
…nugget…
of information. I’ll have to remember to repay the sentiment in kind! I, unlike some ponies, know how proper manners are shared between friends.”
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Indeed, Discord!
No chocolate rain.
No cotton candy clouds.
No soap roads.
No dancing buffaloes.
Cities lay perfectly on the ground.
Night and day happen at regular intervals.
This world is completely normal, in every sense of the world. And thou is unable to do anything about it, as thou has no magic.
In short: Absolutely. No. Chaos.
[Is that a hint of evil laughter in her word? I think there is!]
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As she's driving these points home, Discord is quietly sitting on the other end of the line, trying to stifle chuckles of delight. Even as she is lording her "triumph" over him, he squirms and twists in his seat, "Dissent" looking concernedly over at him as he begins growling hesitantly.
"Indeed (pffbt) my little pony, you couldn't be more (glee) correct. This world is so perfectly normal, isn't that right? Nopony has powers, neither you nor I, no? We cannot change things...we cannot fix things. So mundane there's absolutely nothing I can do to stir things up. <3 Isn't that correct, my dear Luna."
At this point, his voice is so sweet it practically sticks to the Pokègear as he's talking. As he speaks, his pupils dance their way around the room, drinking in all the normality of the room from the drab grey bed to the now-cracked chair, finally resting on the one thing conspicuously out of place.
"Ab?"
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[SHE'S GONE FROM SMUG TO 100% ON EDGE. She always feels a bit bipolar when she's talking to Discord.]
...Indeed, tis so. What art thou thinking, Discord?
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[Welcome to Discord's world! <3]
"Now mademoiselle, that's not in the spirit of things, is it? What kind of a pal would I be, hm, spoiling such a big happy surprise for what will surely be an exciting time for both of us? In due time, my dear villainess."
[There is a flurry of skittering noises on the other end of the line, as if someone is punching in keys in a drug-induced frenzy. Is it possible to get high off evil plans in the making?]
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Tho ist not our pal, nor are we a villainous! [
At least, any longer] Thou would do well to get thou's facts straight!From:
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In this case, we shan't mind the present being spoiled.
[She gives a laugh.]
Ha. As if we would believe thou would step down in thou's quest for chaos. This thou's specialty, after all.
...What art thou doing? Where art thou?
[She's pretty demanding.]
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"Well! Glad everypony is on the right page, then, and might I say how positively charming you are when you finally come to terms with your better half. <3 I have a feeling that chaos simply wouldn't fit you enough. Maybe it's the sister-relations, wherever she might be..."
[It's relatively clear that he's fishing for information as to Celestia's whereabouts. Hell, everypony else seems to be here, why not her.]
[The skittering stops; given the question, he's probably looking around the room himself. The fluttering of map whispers over the speaker.]
[muttering to himself, so maybe only a word or two can be heard. Unsettled Discord is unsettled.]
"In Johto where new creatures lie
Is where I'll sew chaos, as best I can.
This busy city's gold facade belies
The best aid to my new master plan."
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Celestia's not in this world. Tis only us... and the Elements of Harmony.
[Might as well come out and say it. It's not like she's trying to hide her sister or the elements. Or hide behind them.]
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A loud burst of undisguised glee cackles through the Pokègear, continuing on for at least a minute or two longer than normal. He's probably steepling his fingers and dancing around the room, cocking little bugger.
"Oh LUNA, dearie me how I missed your company! All I have to do is simply imply something, and you jump all over it like unicorns on new fashion! Does the Princess have a guilty conscience, I wonder...Perhaps this is something her so-called friends should hear about? What might they say, I wonder..."
[He muses to himself; there are distinct tiny, mocking squeaks on the other line meant to imitate her subjects. There is a clamor of noise, a splatter of upset conversations, and then only one voice remains, speaking in traditional Royal Canterlot voice.]
"Mm. How accurate, don't you agree, dear Luna? And now you tell me neither the naggy sister or her....Elements (ugh)...are here? Just you? Pretty Princess Luna's all....alone." [1 to 10, how big is his smirk here?]
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[Don't act in anger. That's just what he wants. He's manipulating you, Luna, just like he did before. Don't let him know what you fear most, because he'll only pray on it, use it as blackmail, and then let the whole world know what you're hiding from them.]
We have nothing to hide, Discord! [Lies. Obviously the best way to go about this.] These people are not of Equestria! Their opinions of us do not matter!
[There's definitely a cold bite to her voice now.]
We do not need our sister in order to defeat thou! Twilight Sparkle and the others shall be more than enough to get rid of thou again! [For the third time, sob.]
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[Considering how well he knew her in the past, it's pretty obvious to him when she's lying through her teeth. Not to mention if that didn't, her more than usual defensiveness might be hiding something precious that she doesn't want darling little Discord anywhere near.]
[His tone takes on a suddenly business-like attitude, as if he's waving off the entire interlude as inconsequential. As if he believes her, perhaps? Don't mind the mocking air; he's just like that. Nothing to see here...]
"Oh, how silly of me. Why did I think that you, the newly reformed Princess Luna, sister to Princess Celestia and former-ruler of Equestria, should deign to make friends with the likes of such paltry pony commoners? Goodness, what was I thinking? You, of all ponies, know how it is to be completely alone in the world; what's a few more millennia of solitary confinement? Who cares what they think of you! At least you have your health. <3"
[A gasp, combined with something of a pout.]
"Baw, my little Lulu, how could you say such things? A draconequus might take offense to such plans, doncha know. Though...tell me, my little pony..."
[He matches her chill, icicle for icicle. And I assure you, he's rather more practiced at unabashed evil than she.]
"...what will you do if you can't?"
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