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The feed opens up on a slightly jaundiced eye, wild and a little bloodshot. It twitches unnaturally, then squints in glee as the hand holding the Pokègear pulls away, revealing a maturely handsome man in a newly acquired Rocket outfit, stroking his goatee thoughtfully. He poses for the camera, admiring his image in the eye's reflection.
"My, don't you look absolutely riveting, sir. Black suits you… Though that's more than I can say for this place..."
Discord glances around, eyes swiveling around appraisingly, as if selecting which things to keep and which to spruce up a bit. It’s clear that it’s largely disposed to the latter; the room behind him is a depressingly grey little hole, and it is clear that despite the man's seemingly constant gleeful grin that Discord is more than slightly perturbed by things. He glances below-camera, eyes scanning quickly.
"Pokègear...yadda yadda connections....something something make friends, oh please, why do something so positively droll...pah!" A small booklet goes flying past the camera, shedding pages like new snow, one of which lands on his nose. Raised eyebrow and licked lips; within seconds he is chewing thoughtfully.
"Hm. Even paper tastes differently here...How delightfully…tasteless. It's no cotton candy, but it will do. Oh fine, what do <i>you</i> want?”
“Sol.”
The camera spins on a quietly sitting Absol, wearing the closest ‘Orly’ expression that a Pokèmon is likely to achieve. It has a slim black bandanna around its head emblazoned with a violently red ‘R’. A scoff from off camera, followed by a flying paper ball (which the Absol naturally dodges).
“Oh like you haven’t.”
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As she's driving these points home, Discord is quietly sitting on the other end of the line, trying to stifle chuckles of delight. Even as she is lording her "triumph" over him, he squirms and twists in his seat, "Dissent" looking concernedly over at him as he begins growling hesitantly.
"Indeed (pffbt) my little pony, you couldn't be more (glee) correct. This world is so perfectly normal, isn't that right? Nopony has powers, neither you nor I, no? We cannot change things...we cannot fix things. So mundane there's absolutely nothing I can do to stir things up. <3 Isn't that correct, my dear Luna."
At this point, his voice is so sweet it practically sticks to the Pokègear as he's talking. As he speaks, his pupils dance their way around the room, drinking in all the normality of the room from the drab grey bed to the now-cracked chair, finally resting on the one thing conspicuously out of place.
"Ab?"
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[SHE'S GONE FROM SMUG TO 100% ON EDGE. She always feels a bit bipolar when she's talking to Discord.]
...Indeed, tis so. What art thou thinking, Discord?
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[Welcome to Discord's world! <3]
"Now mademoiselle, that's not in the spirit of things, is it? What kind of a pal would I be, hm, spoiling such a big happy surprise for what will surely be an exciting time for both of us? In due time, my dear villainess."
[There is a flurry of skittering noises on the other end of the line, as if someone is punching in keys in a drug-induced frenzy. Is it possible to get high off evil plans in the making?]
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Tho ist not our pal, nor are we a villainous! [
At least, any longer] Thou would do well to get thou's facts straight!From:
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In this case, we shan't mind the present being spoiled.
[She gives a laugh.]
Ha. As if we would believe thou would step down in thou's quest for chaos. This thou's specialty, after all.
...What art thou doing? Where art thou?
[She's pretty demanding.]
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"Well! Glad everypony is on the right page, then, and might I say how positively charming you are when you finally come to terms with your better half. <3 I have a feeling that chaos simply wouldn't fit you enough. Maybe it's the sister-relations, wherever she might be..."
[It's relatively clear that he's fishing for information as to Celestia's whereabouts. Hell, everypony else seems to be here, why not her.]
[The skittering stops; given the question, he's probably looking around the room himself. The fluttering of map whispers over the speaker.]
[muttering to himself, so maybe only a word or two can be heard. Unsettled Discord is unsettled.]
"In Johto where new creatures lie
Is where I'll sew chaos, as best I can.
This busy city's gold facade belies
The best aid to my new master plan."
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Celestia's not in this world. Tis only us... and the Elements of Harmony.
[Might as well come out and say it. It's not like she's trying to hide her sister or the elements. Or hide behind them.]
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A loud burst of undisguised glee cackles through the Pokègear, continuing on for at least a minute or two longer than normal. He's probably steepling his fingers and dancing around the room, cocking little bugger.
"Oh LUNA, dearie me how I missed your company! All I have to do is simply imply something, and you jump all over it like unicorns on new fashion! Does the Princess have a guilty conscience, I wonder...Perhaps this is something her so-called friends should hear about? What might they say, I wonder..."
[He muses to himself; there are distinct tiny, mocking squeaks on the other line meant to imitate her subjects. There is a clamor of noise, a splatter of upset conversations, and then only one voice remains, speaking in traditional Royal Canterlot voice.]
"Mm. How accurate, don't you agree, dear Luna? And now you tell me neither the naggy sister or her....Elements (ugh)...are here? Just you? Pretty Princess Luna's all....alone." [1 to 10, how big is his smirk here?]
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[Don't act in anger. That's just what he wants. He's manipulating you, Luna, just like he did before. Don't let him know what you fear most, because he'll only pray on it, use it as blackmail, and then let the whole world know what you're hiding from them.]
We have nothing to hide, Discord! [Lies. Obviously the best way to go about this.] These people are not of Equestria! Their opinions of us do not matter!
[There's definitely a cold bite to her voice now.]
We do not need our sister in order to defeat thou! Twilight Sparkle and the others shall be more than enough to get rid of thou again! [For the third time, sob.]
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[Considering how well he knew her in the past, it's pretty obvious to him when she's lying through her teeth. Not to mention if that didn't, her more than usual defensiveness might be hiding something precious that she doesn't want darling little Discord anywhere near.]
[His tone takes on a suddenly business-like attitude, as if he's waving off the entire interlude as inconsequential. As if he believes her, perhaps? Don't mind the mocking air; he's just like that. Nothing to see here...]
"Oh, how silly of me. Why did I think that you, the newly reformed Princess Luna, sister to Princess Celestia and former-ruler of Equestria, should deign to make friends with the likes of such paltry pony commoners? Goodness, what was I thinking? You, of all ponies, know how it is to be completely alone in the world; what's a few more millennia of solitary confinement? Who cares what they think of you! At least you have your health. <3"
[A gasp, combined with something of a pout.]
"Baw, my little Lulu, how could you say such things? A draconequus might take offense to such plans, doncha know. Though...tell me, my little pony..."
[He matches her chill, icicle for icicle. And I assure you, he's rather more practiced at unabashed evil than she.]
"...what will you do if you can't?"
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[She doesn't want to think about what he's implying, even though, it seems, she implied it herself. He's very good about twisting her words around, and she's letting herself get entirely too caught up in it. The very idea of her having to spend another thousand years... alone... ]
We have no need to defend ourselves to thou, Discord. Whither or not we have friendly relations in this place has nothing to do with thou! We have had nothing to do with thou for one thousand years, our matters are of no concern to thou!
Do not call us Lulu!
And we shall defeat though once more! Twilight Sparkle and her friends have done it before, and we are certain they shall do it again!
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[Tone: jovial surprise]
"Goodness me, it seems like I've struck a nerve. Perhaps you weren't being entirely honest with yourself, hm? You know, lying isn't a good habit to have when you're Canterlot Royalty. It might get you over your head."
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"...so be very sure when you try and act the bold, brave pony, my DEAR Princess, lest that be to your detriment. Lies are -nasty- little things. They hurt you, they’ll endanger your friends, and in the end they’ll SHUN YOU, as they did last time. People don’t like being around a troublemaker and a menace, even a -reformed- one. Even now, they’re probably scheming about you, plotting against you, waiting to give you the ol’ boot. Sound familiar? Just as your sister left you, hm? And you need all the friends you can get don’t you, my little pony.”
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“Really, that’s the most the unbridled power of the Princess of the Night can come to bear on me? Oh, I’m positively terrified. [Squeaky voice] ‘Oh, I’ll show that meanie Discord! I’ll get my big, strong friends to beat him up! They’re always there to protect me! That’ll show him!’ Such majesty, such -strength- our fair Princess has. Why, when I knew you, you had such fire. Order has not been kind to you, my dear.”
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[Yes she is.]
And even if, by chance, we were... we are doubtful the citizens of this world would go so far as to shun us for something as simple as a lie. Many lie each day, and none hath been shunned. We shall be forgiven for such a thing, especially if it tis for their own good.
[At least.... that's what she's hoping.]
Fine! We do not need Twilight Sparkle, nor her friends. As magic does not exist in this world, we shall take thou on ourselves. With the inability to create chaos, we shall have no problems defeating thou ourselves!
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Discord lets loose a deep, throaty chuckle, and it’s as if he’s leaned up closer to the Pokègear, drinking in her discomfort like the connoisseur he is. Still, this game is growing tiresome; what point is causing chaos without being out to enjoy it?
“I’m sure you can, dear Princess. I’m sure a Princess, cooped up for…what was it again? A thousand years? I’m sure a Princess, cooped up for a thousand years, can easily defeat a little ol’ draconequus like myself, especially without both of our powers. Just like old times. Better by far to deal with it yourself regardless, I’d say. Wouldn’t want the Mare in the Moon to show her face again in a moment of passion, would you. A lie might be one thing, but showing yourself to have tried to take over the world would be quite another. <3”
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[Oh, hey are your hands bleeding? You shouldn't dig your nails into you palm that hard...]
We are more than certain that we shall be able to defeat thou without returning to our Nightmare Moon self! We have made it so that we shall never change into that... monster again, so thou needn't worry about that!
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“Stop it! By Equestria, my ribs can’t take much more of this. You are simply TOO much! Really, you really know how to entertain an old draconequus houseguest. Though really, this is a serious matter! You should learn when to be honest with yourself, my little pony. Nopony knows evil like I know evil, and rest assured, there is nothing you can do to stop it. Why, if your older sister couldn’t even banish you permanently, white pony overlord that she is, what makes you think that our cute little Princess has a chance?”
An abrupt sigh, and faint growling. Someone has somepony on a tight schedule, and there’s not much Discord can do about it. For now.
“One more thing, dearest Luna, before I depart from your most pleasurable company. If neither Twilight and her friends, armed with those pretty little Elements, and Celestia herself couldn’t hold back chaos from being wreaked, what makes you think you can? Good luck out there, little Lula.”
[Disconnect]